How Honest Should I Be?

I have so many thoughts and feelings right now. I would love to express them through this outlet but being as how this is accessed by just typing in www.dannylanham.com I don’t think it’s wise. 

Still Mourning

It’s been almost seven months since my first ex-wife passed away and still she’s just about the only thing I think about. What could have been if folks had just let us figure out things when we were young. 

The Blog Is Really Back This Time

It's been years since I've written anything here. Tons of things have changed since my last little visit in 2017  I'm changing the format of this blog and I'm going to start calling it my journal instead of a blog. I've written before as letters to my children and when it was all about them it was appropriate but I'm going to be getting into a wider range of issues that I deal with in my life so from now on it's just journaling. 

A few notes to get me started that I will deal with in depth as I write. The children have been placed into foster care. There's lots to get into regarding that. I retired from General Electric after 30 years. Melisa, my third wife and I have been divorced for well over a year and my first wife and one true love, Christy Hess passed away a little over a month ago. That really messed me up and I've already written about it extensively. I'll edit that document and post it here when I feel like I'm able to deal with it again.

This is just an announcement that I'm back to journaling and if things go as they have before I'll post again in four to five years. 

June 2017

It's been rough. Becca, I hope you get through this. You've been cutting and are on more medications than I've ever imagined. You seem to hate my lovely wife. You're such a Pre-teen. Almost a teen-ager.    Just q few weeks and you'll be there. I wish we could go back to the way things used to be. You were such a joy. I really need you to be okay.

Grant, you've given me even more stress than your sister. Once upon a time you announced to me that  you're a transgendered girl named Tina. You ripped up a Bible in my presence. It killed me. I sent you to your mom's place for the summer. I'm old wchool and very conservative so what you've presented me with as a nine year old us beyond my comprehension. We even had an investigation by social workers based on accusations you've made. It amounted to nothing but still I feel guilty not being with your while you're with your mom. You've been baptized this summer and your mom tells me you're on fire for Christ. It's better than I could ever do for you. You need to come back for the new school year and we will make sure your new found respect for your Savior is honored. Perhsps you will influence the rest of us and we can all enjoy a closer walk with Christ. I love you, son. I know I don't call y'all while you're at your mom's add much as I should but guys really don't have that much to say to each other.

Listen; both of you. I feel I've failed you. You both have issues and are meds. I've done probably everything wrong. I was lazy and gave you too much access to television and eventually the internet. I apologize for not being the kind of father I thought I could be. I tried to get both of you involved in the kinds of things that I was into as a child but neither one of you are remotely like me so it didn't work. Maybe that's a good thing.

I was so proud to be a father. I probably shouldn't have been at such a late stage of my life. I'm sorry if my own

Update

It's been years since my last post. Many things have transpired over the course of those years. Some great and some not so much so but that's just the way life is. Becca is now in the fifth grade getting ready to go to the big bad middle school next year and Grant is in the third grade.We still live in the same old house we did the last time I found some time to post here. I have been blessed with full custody of both my young'uns for about a year now. I recently remarried to a beautiful young woman that I went to a high school dance with, Missy Eller. She wouldn't give me a second date after that dance so I decided to go "no contact" in my attempt at wooing her and sure enough, thirty years she caved in to my charms.

Memorial Day Weekend

The kids met a girlfriend of mine today. They've only met a few of the ladies I've seen but to be honest I've not went out with a whole bunch of women. 

 Both young'uns are moving on to the next grade, Becca to the third and Grant to the first. 

Got my new phone, a Galaxy S4 this week. Don't know how I like it yet. 

I'll write more when I feel more up to it. 

Rainy Friday Night

Becca was supposed to have a softball game this evening in Nicholasville. Oh, I have forgotten that you have no idea that Becca plays softball. This is her second year playing spring ball and she played fall ball this past fall. She played for Glory last year in the Pony Tail League and still plays for Glory on this spring she is in minor league. She really loves playing softball and she's really not half bad. If she could improve her agility and learn to swing the bat faster she would be really good. Last year she played mainly third base but this year they have her at first, catching and right field. I practically begged Grant to play T-ball this year but my boy just doesn't like sports and has no problem telling me so. He would rather play with Barbie Dolls than play catch. He's going to give it a try next year whether he wants to or not. I did have him in wrestling this past year and he was absolutely atrocious. He could not pay attention and he was totally disinterested. He wanted to quit and since he didn't even come close to even looking like he knew what he was doing or even what was being done to him I felt it was better for both of our sanity if I just let him drop it. He hated it.

    Anyway, she was supposed to have a double header against a team in Nicholasville but it got rained out and since the kids got off the bus at Mamaw & Papaw's we all decided to meet up I n Nicholasville anyway. We all had supper at Captain D's then the young'uns and I went to Walmart for some Malt-O-Meal brand Golden Graham cereal, some Malt-O-Meal brand Captain Crunch, some Great Value chocolate chip cookies, which I love and some trinkets for their mother for Mother's Day this Sunday. Then we went to Kroger for a big grocery shopping trip. I really don't enjoy shopping with them all that much because they are both at an age where they have this unique ability to slow down the progress of a shopping trip and they want something in every aisle we go down. We got it done though and now it is super late and the kids really should be in bed but instead they are in Grant's bedroom watching Johnny Test over Netflix on his television. I just don't have the energy to force them to go to bed.  Maybe that makes me a bad dad but I'm beat. I'll be sure to make sure they are in bed at a decent hour tomorrow evening.

   Becca begged and begged for a book at Walmart. I would have gotten it for her if Money wasn't so tight just now. I'm having to pay their mother child support and it really cuts into my already thin budget. She wanted a book called "Happy, Happy, Happy" by Phil Robertson from our new favorite show, Duck Dynasty. It's a reality show about a backwoods family who made millions manufacturing and selling duck calls. It's a cute show and Becca & I both enjoy it. I'll get her that book when I have a few extra bucks to spare. 

   Grant went to bed during that last paragraph. I had to set my iPad, which I'm using to post this, aside and read him "The Little Mermaid". My boy does love his princesses.

  That's it for this evening, now morning. 

After Four Years the Blog Resumes!

Hey Chilren's! It's been four long years since I've updated this blog and really not much has changed. Becca is in second grade and loves playing softball, Grant is in kindergarten and much to my chagrin hates sports of all kinds and I'm still single. I'll fill everyone in on the details of the previous four years at a later date.

Dear Becca & Grant,
                     Becca got her H1N1 flu or swine flu shot today. Grnt didn't get one because he was with his mom. I suppose that as long as Becca stays healthy he will be okay because she has a whole lot more exposure to other kids than he does. I told Becca that if she cried we'd get ice cream and if she didn't she'd get slaw. She really wanted to crry but they gave her the mist. After the shot we went to Long John Silver's and she had a brat and fries while I had a jr. fish sandwich and we shared a bowl of vegetable medley. We also shared a root beer float. Then we went to the grocery store and got a few things. Becca really ought to be in bed now but we arre sitting at the kitchen table right now as she works on her homework and I write out a rare post to the blog. Daddy loves Rebecca & Grant!

Dear Becca & Grant,
                           Today is Halloween. Becca was a scarry vampire and Grant was a tiger.