Dear Rebecca,
                  Your Mother came home from the hospital Wednesday afternoon. She's still in a lot of pain and she's still very sad over us losing the baby, but the physical pain will eventually subside and we will learn to deal with the emotional pain of our loss.
      At this moment you are in bed, either asleep or watching Teletubbies on video. We don't normally turn on the television when you lay down because we feel like that is an incredibly bad habit to get into but tonight you were especially upset when you had to go to bed because we have visitors, Papaw Lawrence and Aunt Mary. Papaw Lawrence got out of the hospital his self and instead of heading straight back to Hazard Aunt Mary and Papaw Lawrence decided to spend the night and we are all going to go to Golden Corral for breakfast in the morning. I'm glad that Mama is getting to visit with her family because this is something she probably needs right now.
      I haven't been able to work on my yard like I would have liked since we found out about your Mama's pregnancy. It's been a nightmare. I was finally able to get it mowed Thursday but the grass clippings were all over the yard. Mom said it looked like the yard had fur. This afternoon I went down and borrowed Papaw's trailer and bagged the yard. It took me all day and was hard work. The yard looks much better now though. It's supposed to rain tonight. I hope it does because I could use the water on my poor yellow yard.
      I got up with you this morning because I didn't think your Mom was up to it this morning. When I got up I thought to myself that since it was Friday morning you could watch cartoons and then I realized that you can watch cartoons any time you want because we have cable and TiVo. When I was a wee lad all I had was three network channels and a kid only got to watch cartoons on Saturday morning. At that time and even up till today but only on a limited basis the networks aired cartoons every Saturday morning. My sister, Aunt Lynn and I would get up early and get us a big bowl of Honey Combs or Golden Grahms and settle in for a morning of Scooby Doo, Bugs Bunny/ Road Runner Hour, The Pink Panther, Thundar the Barbarian, The Hanna Barbera Laugh-o-lympic, The Smurfs, Speed Buggy, Land of the Lost and a whole bunch more over the years that I can't think of right now. You live in a great time to be a kid when it comes to cartoons.
      Before I let you go I'm going to give you one little news story that came out this week. When I was growing up and going to school in the seventies and eighties we learned about the solar system and we learned that there was nine planets but this week scientists demoted every child's second favorite planet, behind Earth, to a dwarf planet. Poor old Pluto is no longer a planet and the solar system that you will some day learn about now only has eight planets. I don't know why but that made me kind of sad.
      Well, I'm gonna close out this blog. Daddy loves Rebecca!

Dear Rebecca,
               Mama is still in the hospital but I think they are going to let her go home tomorrow. Dr. Youkilis told her she could go home tonight but we both thought that she might be better off spending another night in the hospital because she still has tons of pain. I still haven't mowed my yard. I really must do that tomorrow.
      This is the first day ever in your life that you haven't seen your Mother at all during the day. You seem to be taking it great though because I got to see you for a few moments in front of the house and when you thought I was going to take you out of your car seat you told me you didn't want to go with me. I know you are having a ball with Mamaw & Papaw, Aunt Lynn & Uncle Rodney and all of your cousins. I'm very grateful that we have someone we absolutely totally trust with you like Mamaw & Papaw.
      I'm closing this post now. Daddy loves Rebecca!

Dear Rebecca,
                  As I'm sure you know from your Mom's previous posts, we lost our new little baby. The last week has been such a struggle for all of us. We had become so excited about the prospect of having another fuzzy headed little baby and then we found out that it wasn't to be so. I think that the only thing that has made this nightmare bearable is your presence. I don't think any of us really understand just what an incredible miracle you are. You may be the only child we ever have and you know what? That is perfectly okay with both your Mom and myself. Of course we would love to be able to give you a little brother or sister but if that is not in the cards then that is just fine with us because we have you.
      The nightmare still isn't over yet either. Friday your Mom had some methotrexate shots to clear out her tubes from the ectopic pregnancy which is actually a pregnancy in the tube. She was supposed to have a little pain and some bleeding but last night her pain became so sever that we had to go to the emergency room at Central Baptist. They admitted her to the hospital that night and she is having to stay for yet another night. I hope she will be able to come home tomorrow because we both miss her. Mamaw is watching you right now because I have to get up in the morning and go to work; I missed work today and stayed with your Mom in the hospital. There is a slight chance that they might have to do surgery on her and that would possibly damage her fertility and we do want to try one more time before we call it quits regarding having another child.
      Your Mom has been through so much in her short life. First of all she was raised dirt poor in one of the poorest counties in the country, there was the thing with her mother that maybe you know about, her father really couldn't be the kind of father that she really deserved after that, she had to make her way through a corrupt and uncaring foster care system, she was raped at such a young age and became pregnant with your brother, Dylan as a result of that rape; then the system took her first born child away from her at birth, she has had six pregnancies, yours and your brother, two miscarriages and now two ectopic pregnancies not to mention the things that we have been through. Your Mom has lived a hard life and you should at all times show her the proper respect due her.
      Today wasn't all bad though. We found out some great news. Aunt Mary is pregnant! I really didn't think she was ever going to get pregnant but she sure enough has. Both your Mom and myself are both so excited for her. It's also a little sad because we figured that her due date was almost exactly the same as the due date for the precious child that we have just lost. It would have been so neat for Aunt Mary and your Mom to have been pregnant together. I suppose that just means that we will love her baby just all that much more. Your Mom will have to help Aunt Mary in a lot of ways because if you don't mind my saying this, Aunt Mary seems to me to be kind of naive about the whole miracle of life concept. You may not be a big sister, yet but you are going to be a big cousin.
      Well, I'm gonna close out this post. Thank you, Rebecca for being who you are. Daddy loves Rebecca!

Dear Rebecca,
                  From now on, at least for a little while, this blog will only be to you. As I am sure you gather from my previous post, we have not yet been blessed with the miracle of another birth. Your brother or sister was growing up in the wrong place inside Mommy's tummy. It would have gotten too big to survive and caused Mommy's tummy bad troubles and that would have been the end of both of us. So unfortunately the doctors had to stop the baby from growing any more. Mommy is very sad but you brighten her day every time I look at you.
                  Tonight we rented a movie called 'Hoodwinked' and watched it. It was a modern funny spin/spoof about Little Red Riding Hood. We really enjoyed that movie while we all ate 'Nese' (Chinese) as you call it and laughed. Then I was going to share an ice cream bar with you but you decided you wanted to eat all of it yourself. So I had to get my own. They are low carb ice cream bars and I have to say they are pretty good. Even Daddy liked them.
                    I was crying a bit in the truck today after we picked you up from Mamaw's and you piped up and said "No Cryin' Momma!" Daddy and I both thought that was the cutest thing. I know that you are too young to understand any of this but it's funny how you seem to be the only one who knows what to do or say. I know that I am blessed beyond all measure to have you in my life. I love you more than words can say; God gave me an angel the day he gave you to me. I know that I am so very, very lucky to have recieved such a gift. I never thought I would have any kids; then I got you. Someday perhaps God will send us another one.
                  It is time for you to go to bed so I will cut this short.. Remember now and Always, Mommy loves Rebecca! You have my heart, little girl. You always will.

Dear Unnamed Child,
                                          It seems that we will indeed, never know you. The doctors confirmed that you are a tubal pregnancy and had to administer methotrexate injections to us today. You don't have enough room to grow up in my tubes and eventually the tube would have ruptured and killed us both. I can't begin to describe how very sad I am about never meeting you. Your father and I were so excited about having another little baby in the house. I know that we will never know each other in this lifetime but I want you to know that you were loved beyond measure from the minute we found out you were there. And if God had seen fit to send you along you would have been loved and cherished beyond imagination. It feels so cold to have to say good-bye to my little baby that I will never know. I know that Rebecca would have loved you and treasured you just as much as we would have. I will never, ever forget about you. You will always have a place in my heart. I love you.

Dear Children,
                  We have had a scare today and we are still very scared. Mom has been having some pain on her left side. She has had an ectopic pregnancy before and she just wanted some reassurance that this pregnancy isn't ectopic as well. An ectopic pregnancy is when the egg is fertilized not in the uterus but in the fallopian tube. We went to see the doctor today and he told us that it did indeed sound like an ectopic pregnancy. There was no way for him to be able to tell for sure so early in the pregnancy so he told us to consider this as an ectopic pregnancy until we find out different. That's a hard thing to do. He's asking us to assume that we will never know our child. That is a hard pill to swallow. We are trying to stay positive about the whole situation but the fear is still great. We will not know anything until later this week or early next week, hopefully.
      Well, this was just a short note to update y'all on how things are progressing to this point. I'll close out this post now. Daddy loves Rebecca and his unnamed child!

Dear Children,
               Yesterday Mom, Dad & Rebecca went to Cici's Pizza for lunch. We had planned on going straight over to the UK Medical Center to see Papaw Lawrence but it was about an hour too early. We decided to take a little drive through downtown Lexington. We came to Triangle Park and Rebecca hollered out "Waterfall!" when she saw the fountains at the park; so we stopped to let her see them. There's a fountain right on the corner of Main & Broadway; a few little girls were splashing in it in their bathing suits and Rebecca wanted to splash too. Rebecca is spoiled so she got to splash in the fountain with her clothes on. Momma went across the street to the Civic Center Shops to buy you a wildcat outfit to wear to go see Papaw Lawrence. She bought an outfit and we put it on you after we were finished at the park and it was the crappiest piece of clothing we have ever purchased. It was stained and the silk screen writing was all screwed up. We would have taken it back but you spilled soda all over it later that day when we went to Wal-Mart where we put a hundred dollars worth of fall/winter clothes on layaway for Rebecca. We had a pretty good day yesterday.
      Momma's appointment with her baby doctor has been moved up to tomorrow. I can't say I am sorry to see that happen because I would like to see a doctor so he can tell us that everything is as it should be.
      Well, Rebecca is with Mamaw right now at the store. I went to pick her up at Granny's but she wanted to go with Mamaw. Rebecca, you should be back any minute now so I will close out this post and start fixing you some supper. You are having a hot dog, a few chips, a cheese slice, pickles, ketchup and a clementine orange. We both love those little expensive clementines. Daddy loves Rebecca and the unnamed child!

Dear Rebecca,
               Well, what do you think of your Mom's big news? Pretty exciting, huh? This was not the big announcement that I have been promising you for a little while though. That may be postponed for a year or maybe two. But hey this is even better. Wow, a second child. I am amazed. I thought we had been struck by lightening when you came because to tell you the truth I had kind of given up on being a father by the time we found out about you and now we might have a second child. That is beyond my wildest dreams.
      Like I said before, I went back to work this past week. Monday we did something we have never done before. I took you swimming at Falling Springs on a Monday after I got home from work and we both had a ball, especially me. It was hot at work Monday and I was all sticky and miserable and while the water in the pool was surprisingly warm it was such a refreshing experience. I tried to take you back Thursday. We went out there and I paid my money; you are still free until you are three, and we both got in the pool. Ten minutes later they blew the whistle for everyone to get out of the pool because a storm was coming. I should have checked the weather before heading out to the pool with you. We were both extremely disappointed. You cried on your way out of the pool and I felt like crying. We'll try to get a few more days in before the pool closes down for the summer and even after that we might go to the indoor pool. It won't be near as much fun because in the outdoor pool you can wade around and play on the jungle gym type thing they have in the pool and go down the children's slide.
      Monday you went down the slide and some little girl who was maybe four or so was trying to climb up the slide. You bumped into her good and got a fat lip out of the deal. You cried so hard and I felt so bad. That little girls mother didn't make her apologize or anything. I was livid. Eventually you cried your self out as I held you in the deeper end of the pool and you went down the slide again. I know you had to have gone down the slide twenty times at least. I was so very proud of you.

Dear Unnamed Child,
               I am your father. I can't wait to meet you. We found out about you this Wednesday. Your Mom had originally taken a test just a little while back but it was negative but she still felt she was pregnant. She paid a dollar for the original test. Just recently we have had some issues with your Mother paying a dollar for things that really should cost more, like batteries for my digital camera that last all of seven pictures. She decided to go out and spend a whole whopping five dollars on a real test and there you were on the test in all of your plus sign glory.
      Your Mother has been pregnant six times and she has two living children at this point. So, as you can see she has had a few heart breaks so if she doesn't post as much to you in the beginning it will be because she is afraid. She was the same way when we began this blog for your sister back in December of 2003. I am nervous as well. I have my hopes up and have already made a page for you on babycenter.com so we can track your development.

Dear Children,
               I'll be addressing you like this from here on out I suppose. I barely post enough now as it is; Lord knows I can't address individual posts to each of you so I reckon y'all will just have to share. Unnamed Child, your hard copy will be much thinner than Becca's and that is because she takes up so much of our time so we can't post like we did when it was just Momma & Daddy; So blame her.
      It feels kind of impersonal to address my child as Unnamed Child but we really don't know if you are going to be a girl or a boy. If you are a girl your name will be Rachel Marie Lanham and if you are a boy we are leaning to Ryan Marlin Lanham. The girls name is set in stone and has been since before your sister was born but we have always been undecided about a boys name. I like Ethan but your Mom doesn't care much for it and she likes Benjamin but I can't see you as a Ben. Your Mom initially didn't care for Ryan at first because there's a restaurant in Lexington called Ryan's but I think it's grown on her. Anyway, though it may sound impersonal I will be closing out my posts with the following salutation, at least until we know more about a name or a gender; Daddy loves Rebecca and his Unnamed Child!

Dear Rebecca,
                        Hello my little sweetie bird. Right now you are taking a nap. I want to be taking a nap but I also wanted to write you this blog before I lay down for a snooze.
                        There is big news, little girl. We may be having a baby brother or baby sister for you to play with and help take care of. Daddy and are pretty excited but we aren't trying to get our hopes up too much. We've had bad luck before, but then again we've had wonderful luck with you, my little sweetie pie. We are so proud of you, you make us so happy, and it would only make us happier to see you having fun with a little sibling of your own. We were worried about you growing up all alone and hopefully now, you don't have to.
                     You and I have had a wonderful day together so far. We got up and had some cereal and watched an episode of Max & Ruby and then we got dressed and went to K-Mart where we filled Daddy's prescription and we picked out a brand new nightgown for you with a puppy dog on it. We also looked at some baby stuff and some toddler beds and almost bought the newest baby a little giraffe sleeper but we decided we didn't want to jinx it, even though the little sleeper was super cute and only five dollars. It looked like the little giraffe sleeper we bought for you not so long ago when you were just a little bitty thing. You held your new nightgown all the way home and you called it your "Favorite Dress". You are the sweetest little thing and I love you more than words can say. I know we've done a lot of things that were fun together these last few weeks and you've said and done a million cute little things but I am so tired right now that I can't think of a single one of them. Mostly what I want to say to you is that you are still my best girl and my best friend and you always will be. You are the light of my life and watching you and your brother grow up together will be the most rewarding thing that God could have ever given me. I thank him for you every day... I love you, Rebecca. I promise to write more soon.

Dear Rebecca,
               Well, I have to go back to work tomorrow. I'm really not looking forward to it. I guess that the best way to look at it is that the sooner I get back to work the sooner Christmas will be here and the sooner something else your Mother & I have planned might happen. I have had a great time with you the past three weeks. You have been an absolute joy to be around.
      You are still an excellently behaved little girl but you are developing a stubborn streak. It used to be that when I told you to come to me in a stern voice you would obey right away; now we seem to have minor productions out of situations like that. You usually eventually do come to me but a time or two or maybe three or four I have had to run you down. I think I'm doing an okay job of disciplining you though. I have learned that your Mother is a bit more lenient with you than I am. I'll tell you to do something three times and if it's not done on the third time something will happen that neither of us like. We do use spankings but we also use time outs and we deprive you of privileges if the offense has to do with the abuse of the privilege. Your Mom will beg and plead with you to obey her because she hates to punish you. She eventually does punish you if you remain stubborn but she hates to see that bottom lip poke out so much. I can see where she is coming from because I hate seeing that poked out lip as well but maybe eventually you will learn to jump as high as I did when I was a wee lad. I think that all in all I was a pretty well behaved kid growing up. There were maybe a few hiccups in high school but I was never into drugs or anything destructive like that. High school kids are going to be stupid and make some mistakes along the way but I had enough decent raising that I didn't get too stupid.
      I didn't take you to daycare Friday because I wanted to spend my last day of vacation with you. We had a grand time. We spent all day Saturday together as well because your Mom had to work.
      My camera is not dead you will be happy to know. It's just that your Mom has been purchasing our batteries at the Dollar Tree and you are not going to get a decent set of batteries for a dollar. I was so glad that the camera isn't busted. I was super bummed out over that. I would have loved to have had a brand new camera but we have so many other items on our plate right now that we would have been lucky to get a new camera by Christmas, if then.
      Mamaw & Papaw, Aunt Lynn & Uncle Rodney and the kids left for Florida last night shortly after midnight and got into Orlando around 4:30 or so that afternoon. They are in Orlando and have no plans to go to any of the Disney parks. I just can't fathom that. I would have to go to see Mickey Mouse. Papaw says it's because I am a big kid and in a lot of ways he is correct. I do love Disney World. We hope to take you some day. I went when I was a child and I went quite a bit when I was dating my ex-wife, Christy Hess, because she lived in Florida but the best visit I have ever had was the most recent one. Your Mother & I went in 2000. It was her very first time in the Magic Kingdom and to see the look on her face when we stepped through the gate and she saw Cinderella's castle for the first time was priceless. I hope to one day have that experience with you. Anyway, everyone will be back next Sunday. We were going to look after Sadie but Mamaw & Papaw decided that Ruffie would be too lonely without her so they left her down there. I think Butch, Uncle Rodney's dad, will be looking after the dogs this year. As you will recall we looked after them last year.
      Your Mom bought a bicycle for herself Friday morning at Wal-Mart in Frankfort. We didn't really intend on purchasing one when we left the house so we took the car and it was not a fun ride back home for either you or your Mom because you two were made quite uncomfortable by the bike we had wedged into the car. I dropped her and her bike off at work Friday afternoon and she rode it home. She said it nearly killed her. She wants to ride it a bit on the bike path before she begins using it as transportation to and from work because she says she needs to get used to riding again. Aunt Mary had a bike down there in Hazard that her ex-husband, Kelly Sacra, bought before he found himself another lady to put up with his incredibly low intellect. He never had any money but it never stopped him from buying the best of whatever he wanted so I'm sure the bike is top of the line. I just hope it hasn't been stolen yet. There are some unsavory characters down there in Hazard, Becca.
      I'm going to close for now. I probably won't post again until next weekend. I know I am going to be flat dead this coming week after being off for so long. Daddy loves Rebecca!

Dear Rebecca,
               This is the last day of my three week vacation. Actually I only had two weeks of vacation and the last week of layoff. I am a little worried because I haven't received my unemployment card yet and I usually get that early in the week that I am laid off. I suppose it will all work out though.
      We had some bad news earlier this week. Your great-great Aunt Lila passed away. She was such a card. She danced the chicken dance in an actual chicken suit at Aunt Louise & Uncle Tommy's 50th wedding anniversary party earlier this year or maybe it was last year, I am not sure. You just looked at her like she had lost her ever loving mind. I have some pictures of her at the baby shower your Mom had shortly before you were born of her in a big old pair of panties. I also have one of Aunt Lila and Aunt Lynn in the panties together. If you want to know what Aunt Lila was like then just imagine her a whole lot like Aunt Lynn.
      The visitation was Wednesday. Your Mom had to work Wednesday so you and I went to the big outdoor pool at Falling Springs. I think I screwed up a bit while we were there. There has been an oppressive heat wave in the country for the past week so I thought it would be a nice way to keep cool by going to the pool. The water was bath water warm but you certainly did enjoy playing in the water. We got there at 1:20 that afternoon and didn't leave until 5:20. I kept you well protected with regular sunblock applications but you still got a little burn. I on the other hand didn't use any sunblock on myself and I ended up with a mild case of sun poison. My burn isn't as bad as it could have been because I already had a little tan to begin with.
      I just realized that our digital camera is screwed up. You can only take a half dozen or so pictures with the camera on a set of brand new batteries. I hate having to purchase another camera especially since there are so many other things that our money could be going for. There may not be as many pictures of you in the coming months because of the faulty camera but eventually we'll get another one.
      Well, I'll close out this post now. Daddy loves Rebecca!